


Break the Cycle

by orphan_account



Series: HideKaneWeek2019 [5]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Day 6, HideKaneWeek2019, M/M, Oneshot!Kaneki, cycles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21791596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Intentionally or not, Kaneki is hurting Hide's feelings. Hide isn't going to let him leave again without finding out why.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Series: HideKaneWeek2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566736
Comments: 3
Kudos: 81





	Break the Cycle

Nights like this always ended the same way.

Hot hands trailed over his body, gripping and kneading. Hide arched into every touch, whispers of encouragement falling from his lips until those too were claimed. Hide greedily took everything Kaneki gave him. Hide ached for him, even when they were already in each other’s arms. Every time they were together, Kaneki took him to new heights, made his heart sing and his soul soar.

And then came the fall.

The bed beside him was cold even before the sweat on his skin. Hide gripped the sheets, chest aching. He watched Kaneki get dressed out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t even looking at Hide, his eyes trained on the wall. His fumbling fingers buttoned his shirt.

He always paused before leaving, peeking at Hide for the barest second before turning his back on him again. His expression was always so full of pain and longing. Hide wondered what he was thinking.

Tonight, Hide wasn’t just going to let him leave without finding out.

Hide spoke quietly, but he knew Kaneki would hear. “I love you, you know.” They were friends for a long time, ever since they were children. Hide loved him, even back then. But as their relationship progressed, Kaneki kept pulling away more and more from him. Hide felt like he traded one type of intimacy for another.

Kaneki didn’t turn back around. His shoulders tightened, hands clenching into fists. But he wasn’t angry. Not at Hide. Never at Hide.

“I wish you wouldn’t leave the way you do.” Hide swallowed thickly, trying not to waver. “Are you trying to hurt me?”

Kaneki inhaled sharply. “ _No_.”

“Because you are.” Despite his best efforts to hold them in, tears ran down his cheeks. “And I’ve just been letting it happen. But I can’t. Not anymore.”

“Hide…” Kaneki turned, coming to the side of the bed, where he reached for him.

Hide avoided the touch, pulling the blankets tight around him. “No. No, you don’t get to…” Hide squeezed his eyes shut, unable to look at the wounded expression on Kaneki’s face. “ _Sit._ We’re talking.” They _never_ talked anymore.

Kaneki hesitated, but did as he was told. Hide opened his eyes, thankful to see Kaneki had somewhat schooled his expression. Kaneki folded his hands in his lap, fingers twitching like they did when he was nervous.

_Why, why, why_. The word was a mantra in Hide’s head. “Why are you pulling away from me now? Why – I thought – I wanted to get closer to you, but all you seem to do nowadays is run away. So _why_? _Why_ are you running away from me?”

He was so incredibly scared of the answer. He was scared Kaneki would tell him that it was something Hide had done. That he had fucked up in some unforgivable way and ruined everything they were to each other. If that was true… Hide thought it would break him.

“You deserve more.” Kaneki looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. “I’ve always known it, even when we were kids. You should be with someone else. Someone better than me. I don’t understand why you’re not. I’ve always been waiting for you to realize it. Even more so lately than in the past.”

“What do you mean?”

Kaneki’s hands shook. “I thought you would leave me.”

Hide stared at him incredulously. “You thought I would leave you, _so you pushed me away?_ ”

Kaneki couldn’t say anything, so he offered a helpless shrug. Hide wasn’t the only one crying anymore.

“You –“ Hide sputtered. “You _idiot_.” Hide wanted to call him a whole lot more names, but he bit his tongue.

“I’m sorry,” Kaneki whispered.

Hide wanted to be angry, but all he felt was hurt. “If you’re sorry, then promise me you’ll stop with this bullshit. Promise me it won’t happen again. And damn it, if you have doubts… _talk_ to me. Don’t _ignore_ me.” Nothing hurt Hide more. Nothing scared him more.

Kaneki wiped tears from his eyes, offering Hide his pinkie. There was a touch of a smile on his face, genuine enough to let Hide know he was sincere. At the very least, Hide knew Kaneki would try. “I promise. I want us to be together. I want us to work. Because, I – I love you too. No matter how much it scares me.”

Some cycles were meant to be broken.


End file.
